i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
