Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
