ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Randomize
