my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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