I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
