One girl and one boy is just not enough.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
