Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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