I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
