How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
