if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize