you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
