OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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