wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you will always have a special place in my vag
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize