My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
