Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
