thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize