My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
