I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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