jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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