i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
