I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
