I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She told me I should be a condom model.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
