Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
