We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
