Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
