shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
