the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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