have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
