oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
