I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
