He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
