He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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