ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize