You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Randomize
