Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
