You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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