she was so not down for the gang bang
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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