pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
