apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
