Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
