my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
