the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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