Me. At least after what I've been through.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
