yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
