Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
