my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
