My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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