Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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