we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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