Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
