Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Success! We fucked roommates!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
God, I missed his penis.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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