She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
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im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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