theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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