Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
