i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
