im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
