hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
