I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
