I love black thongs
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
