____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
