I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
