Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
