stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
