Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize