He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
