i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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