Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
