i jhust puked up my retainher.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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