I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
