Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
